Little toy guns

Recently I scrolled past something showing kids standing in line to exchange their toy guns. . . .
We buy nerf guns, water guns, my kids find them funny. . .
But one of those moments, she just loaded the nerf gun by herself and shot the ball out. . .  most parents don't understand. .

morning coffee

So finally a quiet morning, well with the exception of the cat. Both kids have been changed and back to bed. I can peruse FB and listen to the Trans Siberian Orchestra sadly contemplating the state of affairs in the world.
When did I become old? I feel so much more like my mom now. That understanding. That seems to come with age. Not that stubborn teen that blared Guns N Roses, and thought that she knew everything.  Thinking how grateful I am for the people that have come in and out of our lives and lent hands when we needed them
I'm not sure if it's my FB algorithm, the city, or society. I just know that this holiday season seems so miserable. Do not go out for any groceries during daylight hours you will feel like you are at the opening scene of the Grinch, shopping in Whooville but Wal-mart.
Note to self really need to get a Christmas tree today.
It's become so commercial,  I almost just want to skip over it. After Thanksgiving and the almost kidney transplant. Did you know that Alissa has a better chance of getting a transplant during the holidays. Now there is something to damage your head space. Someone else will die. So my child can live. So many posts on my feed, friends that have lost loved ones. Violence is up, Suicide is up, so many young people if their views of the world are really that bleak we have bigger problems than we thought. Maybe it's just what I am being exposed to at the moment from society and the local news. We can blame guns, drugs, whatever. Meanness, bitterness, selfishness, anger are all becoming an acceptable part of our society. People joke about common sense, respect, being a thing of the past, but why is that???. . .They seem to have disappeared around the time everyone became offended by everything. Hold open the door, say please and thank you, Excuse me even. Remember that you do have a signal light when you are driving. Compassion. That person distracted, in the car in front of you may have just lost their job and the mortgage is due, because you never know what someone else is going through. What is the last straw??
They always say, they seemed so happy, type of person that was always there to lend a hand. I just talked to them yesterday. Call your friends, tell your family you love them, and that you think of them even if you haven't spoken in years. Because you don't know, sometimes that phone call is what makes the difference.
Life can change in an instant. Please register to be an organ donor.
Merry Christmas
#bluechristmas
#thoughts
#beA

donor

Fashionista. . payless. .What a line

So there is this Payless commercial marketing shoes that are sold to people for 600 that are worth 20 so whats that say. .  supposed fashion experts pay to much and will recommend stuff if they are told its great and exclusive. . . wake up people

Thanksgiving blessings -disappointments trial runs and silver linings

Phones ringing, well vibrating shit, its vibrating WTF then OMG the phone is vibrating it's restricted number that's why it is not ringing. We have a kidney offer. Rons stirring I reach over and grab his hand making sure that I truly am awake and not dreaming. We have a kidney offer the rest of the world blurs, as I listen to the information being given, donor organ, there were risks. It was our first offer in a year and a half it's Thanksgiving. It has to be meant to be. Run down stairs hug my very surprised friend/aid. Then I explain and she is off to get my daughter up. I scurry around running in circles accomplishing nothing. Good thing the basic necessities are always packed.( I realize I forgot my wallet when we are almost there. ) So bags are packed, mostly, and we are in the van and on our way. Ron teasing me already, my head is spinning. I look at the gas gage full that's a relief how many days could this admission be her last one was expensive and it was only a couple days. . Immediately feeling guilty that I'm thinking of finances when I should be over the moon. I call her dad, and text my Grandma. Grandma answers soon after to find out if she should be making flight arrangements. It's like shit it has been so long since we went over all of this stuff.
Anyways we get to the hospital and it's confusion, it's a holiday, we couldn't find anyone. Possibly I was asking the wrong questions or were looking in the wrong places. Anyways 20 minutes of wandering and me getting anxious before we were registered and going somewhere. We followed a very nice man up to the ICU who offered her stickers, in true chicky fashion she snatched them from him, child has no manners. We settle in with our usual hospital room set up. Much better prepared in some ways this time. Frozen DVD playing (we bring our own, and playstation paddle, no waiting). Tablet charging, oooops grabbed the one that wasn't charged. Get her into a gown to be weighed. The bed is a scale, how cool is that. They hook up the wires. She hates the oximeter. I rack my brain trying to think of a specific incident that she would associate but who knows. Then comes accessing her port. Even though it is easier than traditional IV's they still seem to have a hard time hitting it. She of course is not impressed with any of it. We didn't put on the numby cream I'm such a spazz. However I can spit out the genetic mutation when the surgeon asks. . letters and numbers. Papers are signed. We wait. In the meantime Mr. Mr. is back at home, who will he spend the day with? Where no one is sick? It is decided that he is going with the wife (senior aid and friend) to her families. Amazingly all figured out without me having to sweat it at all. That's some awesome friends right there.
Playing with chick doing our typical send FB selfies because it entertains her. My phone rings. . it's a restricted number. . . Why would the Dr be calling me we are at the hospital already. My heart plummets. I already know what she is going to say. Something is wrong with the donor kidney. She does just that. Tells me what is wrong and that we can go home. Disappointedly we pack up. Chick more confused then ever. I really hate this. Happy Thanksgiving we will start out by torturing your kid this morning now pass the mashed potatoes. I can't help the bitterness sometimes.
We went home. No one understanding what just happened. Trying to be positive thinking ok it was a trial run. It wasn't the best kidney for her. We carried on with our day, still you could sense the sadness, disappointment. My most amazing bf cooked an amazing meal and we all ate and watched the Incredibles 2.  At least we were able to spend it together right. As I kiss their foreheads and tuck them in. I daydream for a bitter minute maybe we are waiting for a Christmas miracle. Guiltily  feeling sad because statistically speaking chances increase during the holidays.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

All in a public display. . . . .

Yesterday, Dr. appointment day. With my son. Who by the way, really has very little tolerance for appointments to begin with. His end game being balloons. We first travel to the nephrologist and make it through the appointment without much of a ruckus. The blinds were down in the room, I of course couldn't figure out how to work them and he insisted on playing with them. Lab work went incredibly well. This kid so deserves that balloon. Back to the car, oh ya static on the DVD player ugh WTF always something. We made good time . . and since I had to go to the repair shop which was right next to the  store we needed to go to well it made sense.
He didn't want to budge, he tried shutting the door, then just refused to get out. Now we have to insist that he comes in the store I can't imagine the scene we create my son walking begrudgingly me in front an aid in back, (maybe we should have gotten out his stroller? for 10 feet) The looks of shock. Maybe, mild horror. On the faces of the ladies inside. They relaxed a little once he stopped screaming and started playing with Scout and Violet. We managed to make it out the door mission accomplished, new glasses ordered. Kid definitely got his balloons, 4 of them, we lost one getting out of the van, always something. Over all a successful day, I mean we haven't shown up in any youtube videos that I am aware off. I await the day that happens.

Insurance and the Dr swap. .

I already hate remembering due dates. I have to write it all down or well it doesn't happen . . So we have been in the process of changing primary Dr.s . well it turns out that we had 1 last booster shot due at the pediatricians. So in order for her to get the shot done we had to actually change her primary care provider for the day. Just to get a shot. ugh.. . . frustrating hoops. . on a positive note, the light that wasn't working yesterday morning is fixed. . . Dylan is very happy. .. half of the community seems to have the shits and off on the vicious roller coaster ride we go.  . .

Long month

I know I have an amazing success rate for getting through miserable shit but damn this is getting ridiculous, so ya, the check engine light is back on in the van, Ron is looking for a job, if only I hadn't gotten sick, this is so irritating, why must I be challenged at every moment while others just continue on their day to day with boring consistency . . .fighting with the insurance, why did they suddenly give, is it the form that I filled out with the local politicians office, did they actually check and see that I have a mental health record, for depression, not that I am suicidal, that is being weak, and well my body breaks, my mind doesn't it just  curls up in the corner and rocks every now and then, but it doesn't break. . .how I am not sure, sometimes a vacation would be nice